Let's Talk About Sex, Baby
“Let’s talk about sex baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.” -Salt-N-Pepa
All the bad things that may be. I don’t know exactly what Salt-N-Pepa meant by this line, but I know what I think of when I hear it— painful sex.
Painful sex is common. But it doesn’t feel that way when you are the one suffering from it.
You may be thinking—
“Will I ever be able to enjoy sex (again)”
“Will I be able to have a baby?”
“Is my partner going to be satisfied?”
“Am I enough?”
The answer, my friend, is yes.
If you’re having pain with sex, you may have –
1. Dryness—changes in hormones from recently giving birth, breastfeeding, and menopause can cause vaginal dryness. Extra foreplay can help get you aroused and stimulate the vagina to make its own lubricant, but applying lube during foreplay and before insertion can also help make things smoother…
2. Tight muscles—the pelvic floor is just as complex and layered as life and sex. It has 3 levels of muscles, like 3 floors in a building. The first floor is where the opening of the vagina, the urethra (your pee hole 😊) and your anus are. If this layer is tight, it may hurt upon initial penetration— right when a tampon, vibrator, or penis goes in. If it is most painful with deep penetration, it means the third or deepest layer of your pelvic floor is tight. These muscles become tight for many different reasons. They may be compensating for weak muscles in other areas of the body or you may have a habit of tightening your pelvic floor muscles when you don’t need to.
3. Scarring—If you had tearing or an episiotomy with childbirth, your scar may be inhibiting the flexibility of your pelvic floor. Scars can also be painful to the touch, which will add another layer of pain with sex.
4. Tender points—These are areas of the pelvic floor that are painful to touch. They can refer pain to the hips or low back and can come with tight muscles, but not always!
Healing takes a multi-faceted approach. Often, dryness, scarring, tender points, and tight muscles are only a part of the equation. Our muscles hold emotional memory. If you had a traumatic birth or have been sexually assaulted or abused, this can also add another layer to your pain and will need to be peeled away for you to fully heal.
Knowing why you have pain can be difficult to determine on your own. You may be reading this and think —"I do feel dry down there" or "I always have been really tight" or "I tore a lot during my first's delivery"
But where do you start? How do you know what is playing a role? And what if you've tried lube or home stretches and things are still painful?
That's where I come in. I will help you pinpoint your problem areas and devise a plan to get you back to pain free sex. Actually, I'll do you one better. We'll devise a plan to get you to have the best. sex. ever. (Partner not included 😉 )